Self-Care Is A Love Language In Our Relationship—Here’s How! 

A personal essay by happily married couple, Jayla and Tony Henry.

Self-Care Is A Love Language In Our Relationship (A personal essay by happily married couple, Jayla and Tony Henry.)
Photos courtesy of Jayla and Tony Henry (Instagram: @jaylabrenae)

Tony and Jayla Henry are content creators based in Dallas, Texas. The happily married couple are parents to two adorable children, Braylon and Nyla Henry. In this personal essay, the lovebirds share how they incorporate self-care into their marriage.

We’ve been married 5 years, but renewed our vows last year! Living a soft life allows us both to share our feelings, struggles, and boundaries to better operate as partners and parents. Through soft living, we’ve been easily able to recognize the moments when we need full focus and identify those times when we need rest.

In our marriage, self-care is important. It allows us to love ourselves so we can love each other just as much (or even more). 

Photo courtesy of Jayla Henry (@jaylabrenae/Instagram)

Jayla Henry: Why I Value Self-Care

As a mom with so many responsibilities, it can be challenging to prioritize self-care every day. That’s why I like to take pride in the small wins throughout the week, including my morning and night routine. My morning routine allows me to set the tone for the rest of the day while my night routine allows me to wind down and prepare for the next 24 hours ahead.

Self-care isn’t just about lighting candles and drinking hot tea, it’s about getting in touch with your peace and being able to fill up your own cup, so that you fill up others in return. I make my self-care routine a priority so I can pour into Tony and our family. 

Tony Henry: Why I Value Self-Care

The stigma that self-care isn’t “manly” couldn’t be farther from the truth. As a Black man, it’s important to prioritize my self-care routine. Tending to my body helps me tend to my mind.

In the morning, I try my best to be intentional about a routine. I love going to the gym and taking a post-workout shower before a busy day. I use my go-to Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort Body Wash to ensure I smell good and feel fresh all day long. Don’t ever underestimate the power of a shower! It’s the first step of my day and in my self-care routine.

By taking care of myself, I take care of others including my family, my friends, and my Alpha brothers. That’s why I love Dove Men+Care’s #SelfCareforAll campaign. It’s helping to change the narrative of self-care for men by showing how it impacts our daily lives.

Self-Care As A Married Couple

Self-care practices can look different for every couple, but it should always be a common goal. What do you need in the relationship from each other and what do you need for yourself? Start by answering these questions as a couple and you’ll quickly find this journey can strengthen your relationship. 

Personally, having joint self-care routines allows us to prioritize ourselves and each other at the same time. Our days can get hectic between juggling kids, work, and other parts of our daily lives. Every week we try to make sure to set aside quality time for our nighttime routine.

It’s simple, but while the kids are asleep, we wind down by turning our home into a spa with our favorite Dove and Dove Men+Care products. By prioritizing ourselves as an individual, it makes our moments together that much better.

How To Make Self-Care A Love Language In Your Relationship 

Photo courtesy of Jayla Henry (@jaylabrenae/Instagram)

The first step to incorporating self-care into your relationship is understanding that self-care doesn’t have to be a heavy lift. It should be something that sparks joy within you— whether it’s buying a journal to monitor your goals or buying a book that you’ve been eager to read.

Be conscious of what you want and what you need. Find something you can easily bake into every day and move towards it. Self-care should be realistic within your budget. Don’t feel pressured to buy the ‘right’ thing or spend a bundle. 

Inspiring The Next Generation To Prioritize Self-Care   

As parents, we need to ensure our children understand the importance of care— for others, for their community, and for themselves.

Care is at the center of how we parent. Self-care looks different with our little ones – it can be a bubble bath with music or a day doing arts and crafts. It’s more so about these self-care activities filling them with happiness and confidence while helping them express themselves. 

In our opinion, self-care allows us to be our best selves. It allows us to show up for each other, our kids, and even our friends.

A good example of this is when I cut my son Braylon’s hair. I’m not a barber, but as a Black man, there is a special relationship between us and the conversations, laughs and life lessons that are shared during this experience. I love cutting my son’s hair to not only carve out that quality time, but also make sure my son feels his best and most confident self. – Tony

Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.