The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy—twinkling lights, warm gatherings, and laughter filling the house. But for many women and families, it also brings pressure, fatigue, and quiet grief.
Even the brightest season can quietly test our mental health. The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday often falls on women, especially when balancing visitors, finances, or the absence of loved ones no longer here to celebrate.
Experts remind us that easing expectations and focusing on small, meaningful moments can make the holidays feel less overwhelming—and far more authentic.
“Just do your best,” Jihan Gabart, co-founder of non-profit organization SoMypolar and a mental health advocate, reminds us. “Showing up with love and kindness sets the tone for a meaningful holiday.”
That shift, from perfection to presence, can change everything.
Let Go Of The “Perfect” Holiday Mindset
Every year, countless families chase an idealized version of the holidays. Picture-perfect dinners, spotless homes, and everyone smiling in matching pajamas. But the reality often looks more like burnt cookies, mismatched schedules, and kids arguing over ornaments.
Melissa Duncan, co-founder of SoMypolar and someone living with bipolar disorder, reminds us to release the pressure of a “perfect” holiday.
“For those of us navigating mental illness, it can sometimes feel overwhelming,” she says. “Remember, you are already loved—just as you are. We all carry expectations, but it’s impossible to meet them all. What truly matters is the love we give and the love we receive. That’s what sustains us. Bring your best asset to each table: you.”
Instead of aiming for flawless, aim for real. Choose one or two traditions that bring you genuine joy and let go of the rest. Perfection doesn’t create memories; it’s the connection that does.
Navigating Grief During The Holidays
For families coping with loss, the holidays can reopen old wounds. Empty chairs at the dinner table carry a silent weight, but it’s important to remember that your loved one wouldn’t want you to drown in grief—they would want you to find joy.
Gabart encourages leaning into connection. “Spend time with those who loved the person you’re remembering. Use this time to bond, share stories, and celebrate their life. Lift each other up with laughter and cherish the good memories you shared,” she suggests.
Duncan echoes that sentiment. “When my grandma passed away, the holidays became tough. But I found comfort in thinking about the things she loved and the special moments we shared. Reflecting on those memories gave me a fresh perspective on my grief and helped me heal.”
There’s no single way to honor loss. Some light a candle, while others cook their loved one’s favorite meal. What matters most is giving yourself permission to feel it all — the sadness and the sweetness, too.
Anchoring Yourself In Routine
Between shopping, cooking, and endless hosting, women often shoulder the invisible weight of the holidays. Self-care can feel out of reach, but even simple, steady routines have the power to ground and restore the mind.
“Maintaining your usual self-care practices and routines can bring comfort and stability during this season,” says Gabart, cautioning us not to experience burnout while trying to create long-lasting memories.
The holidays aren’t a performance—they’re an invitation to reconnect with the people you love. But true joy only comes when you set limits, ask for help, and focus on what genuinely fills your cup together.
Duncan reminds us to take a moment for ourselves during the holidays to do what makes our hearts happy. Whether it’s curling up with a good book or savoring your favorite holiday cookie, remember to carve out time for what you love.
Turning to your self-care routine isn’t about escaping the season—it’s about pacing yourself through it. Just ten minutes of deep breathing or journaling before bed can calm your mind far more than an all-day spa trip ever could.
Find Support During The Holidays
So many people experience loneliness, anxiety, or grief during the holidays—often in silence. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), local church groups, and online communities such as SoMyPolar provide year-round support, offering comfort and connection when the season feels especially heavy.
“There are countless online support groups ready to welcome you. Just a quick search, and you’ll find communities where you can connect and find comfort. I’m part of a few myself, and they’ve helped me feel supported during challenging times,” Duncan shares.
The holidays will always carry both light and shadow—laughter and longing intertwined. But perhaps that’s what makes them beautiful. Sometimes, the most meaningful holiday isn’t the one we plan, but the one we allow.
Editor’s Note: The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline also offers free, confidential support 24/7. It is not a substitute for professional care. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911.
Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.
By BrownStyle Magazine in Special Editions
72 pages, published 1/17/2025
