I’m Happily Married, But I Still Solo Date—Here’s Why!

As they say, a happy wife equals a happy life!

Rebecca Lynn Pope Solo Dating Essay
Photos courtesy of Rebecca Lynn Pope Archives

My name is Rebecca Lynn Pope and I’ve been married for almost nine years to my wonderful husband, Kerry Pope. What I love most about our relationship is that we are best friends, purpose partners, and soul mates.

A typical date night for us varies depending on the mood. On some occasions, we love to splurge on five-star dinners at a very nice restaurant. Other times, we enjoy the simplicity of coffee and ice cream dates where we sit on a bench and people-watch. We’ve done that from the time we first started dating. 

Both of our love languages are quality time and physical touch, so we enjoy carving out time to focus on each other. Our rule is no distractions. We turn off our phones, take a break from our businesses, and reconnect with each other.

Solo Dating: How I Do It

Although I love date nights with my husband, I also enjoy solo dates. I was inspired to begin solo dating even before I tied the knot, as I recognized the importance of having ‘me time.’

There are times when you don’t feel like being around other people and sharing their energy. There are times when you need a moment to be alone with your thoughts and feelings.

For me, solo dates are an opportunity for me to relax, rejuvenate, and reset. 

I date myself approximately once or twice a month. During that time, I do whatever I want to do for myself, which can range from a much-needed day at the spa to a solo movie date.

I’ve even been known to head out on vacation 3-4 days before my husband meets me there so I can take time to myself. I tend to be very busy, so taking that extra time for balance, reset, and rejuvenation allows me to show up at my best.

My Experience Solo Dating

When you’re in a relationship, there are often compromises about where you go and what you want to do. When you go on a solo date, you can do whatever you want. You can spend a leisurely day at the park. You can roller-skate or go on a bicycle ride. It’s all about doing the activities that make you happy and bring you joy.

Rebecca Lynn Pope
Photos courtesy of Rebecca Lynn Pope Archives

It’s also about taking time to focus on yourself without having to engage in conversation. For me, it’s a moment to unplug and be able to peacefully reconnect and align with God. 

I most definitely think that dedicating time for yourself, independent of your spouse or partner, is really, really important.

Kerry and I enjoy being able to spend time together, but we also take “me time” as needed. Whenever we take time apart, we look forward to reconnecting and spending time with each other. We miss each other. 

My Advice For Those Who May Want To Try Solo Dating

As women, we tend to be so concerned with everyone else’s needs, that taking time to ourselves can feel foreign. Being able to serve and assist others out of abundance should be our goal. Not running on reserves or empty. When you reach a point of exhaustion or feelings of being overwhelmed, it’s important to relax and reset with “me time.” 

If you didn’t start solo dating when you were single and want to introduce it into your marriage, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about it. This will help prevent unnecessary pushback. 

Whenever we break the rhythm of our relationship and introduce new things, we have to be careful. Thoughtfully explain exactly why you need the time to yourself and reassure your partner that your desire to occasionally solo date does not mean something is wrong in your relationship. 

Be clear that there doesn’t have to be anything wrong for you to need “me time.” Let your partner know that it’s simply a time for you to increase your own peace of mind and your own well-being. 

When you reach a point of exhaustion or feelings of being overwhelmed, it’s important to relax and reset with “me time.” 

During the conversation, help them grasp the concept of solo dating and invite them to try it for themselves. Help them understand that it can be mutually beneficial and mutually healthy. 

Making our self-care and well-being a priority is absolutely necessary—especially as a wife, a mother, and a caretaker.

What’s Next On My Solo Date Agenda 

This week, I have a facial scheduled. I am also planning a date night for myself at a restaurant that I’ve been wanting to try, but my husband doesn’t care for. I’m excited to try it out by myself!

Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Rebecca Lynn Pope is a master Abundant Life & Love Coach, known for her transformative courses in life, love, business, and leadership. The CEO hosts exclusive luxury leadership retreats worldwide, delivering powerful and life-changing experiences for coaches. Her online courses, workbooks, certifications, and retreats continually change lives and sell out worldwide. With over 109K dedicated followers and over 6 million views on her lifestyle and relationship advice YouTube channel, she continues to inspire and uplift audiences worldwide.