Let’s Talk About It… is BrownStyle Magazine’s new column written by Aikisha Holly Colon. In this candid series, the mom and multi-hyphenate entrepreneur creates a safe space to be real, raw, funny, heavy, but always honest.
Ladies, is there really such a thing as ‘Girl Code’ anymore? It’s a serious question that’s been on my mind. Are we still loyal, uplifting, and empowering one another? Do we still hold each other accountable?
And let’s get real — are there unwritten laws we’re just supposed to be born understanding as women? Or does loyalty only lie with the women you claim as “your people”? Let’s talk about it…
What Is Girl Code?
“Girl Code” is basically the unspoken sisterhood rulebook — the stuff we just know. It’s about loyalty, moving with respect, keeping your friend’s business locked up, riding for her in public, and definitely not touching anybody’s ex. It’s the vibe that says, “I’ve got you, always.”
When Does “Girl Code” Kick In?
I can remember back in junior high school — if one of my friends liked a boy or “went with him,” then baby, he was off limits. Even though it was basically puppy love, we all still understood the assignment. He liked you? Cool. That meant he wasn’t even an option for me. Period. (And that same unspoken rule followed us into high school… and college… and honestly, for a lot of women, into adulthood.)
But that leaves a real question on the table: Are you loyal because she’s your friend… or are you loyal simply because you’re a woman?
The “Girl Code” Debate
Now let’s really get into it. When—and where—do we apply Girl Code? I’ve heard every side of this debate. It plays out in movies, reality TV, group chats, and everyday conversations:
“She knows he’s married — why would she even talk to him?”
“He KNOWS he’s married — so why is he flirting with her?”
“Should I tell my friend it’s wrong to talk to a married man?”
“Should I tell my friend her husband is out here acting single?”
Standing up for what’s right is one thing, but stepping into somebody’s relationship business? Whew, the slope is slippery.
You might think you’re honoring Girl Code, and next thing you know, you’re the villain, the messy friend, or the hater who “just doesn’t want to see them happy.”
You see, it’s easy to talk about Girl Code in theory—but when real-life emotions, attraction, and blurred boundaries get involved? That’s when things get complicated.
Navigating ‘Girl Code’ In Adulthood
Now, let me be honest. I’ve always been the type who goes after what I want. But if I liked a guy and he liked my friend—or had even dated her before—he was instantly off limits. No questions asked.
But what if I liked someone and didn’t really know his girlfriend like that? Was he still supposed to be off limits? Was it my responsibility to care about a stranger’s feelings? Was I supposed to worry about the heartbreak it might cause if her man left her for me?
The mature me knows the answer is yes. But the younger me? She used to think, “Well, if he was that easy to take, honey, he wasn’t yours anyway.” What I didn’t understand back then was the real truth: if he’ll leave her for you, he’ll leave you for someone else.
And if we don’t learn that lesson early? That same childish thinking grows legs. Suddenly, it shifts from “taking someone’s boyfriend” to feeling justified in taking someone’s husband.
The Moment My Mindset Shifted
Now listen — I’m going to always keep it one hundred. I will never pretend to be holier than thou. I’ve done things in my single life that I’m not proud of.
I’ve been in situations that did NOT represent the woman I wanted to be or the woman I was raised to be. And when I finally sat with myself, I had to ask: “B*tch… how you want to be somebody’s wife when you’re fooling with somebody’s husband?”
That was a turning point for me. A moment when I realized that was NOT God’s plan for my life, and if I wanted the blessings He had for me, I needed to realign with His path — not my own.
And let me tell you, even as a wife today, married men still try it. They think that because we both have something to lose, it somehow makes it acceptable. But when a man approaches me like that, I don’t think about Girl Code or even his wife.
I think about God.
I think about my vows to the man God sent me.
I think about the blessings I receive every morning I wake up.
I think about the grace and mercy He gives me daily.
So for me, Girl Code isn’t simply about loyalty to other women. It’s about loyalty to God. Because if you’re truly living in alignment with Him — faithful, grounded, and walking in purpose — you won’t have to worry about being a good friend, a good sister, a good woman. You just will be.
Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.
By BrownStyle Magazine in Special Editions
72 pages, published 1/17/2025
