It’s been almost three years since I became a mom. And somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, I stopped doing the little things for myself like taking care of my hair. I wasn’t booking trims or deep conditioning treatments. In fact, I hadn’t stepped foot in a salon in God knows how long.
I was doing just enough to get by from the comfort of my home while pouring my all into my son, my husband, and my work. For a while, that felt like my new normal. Or at least it seemed that way.
Then, one day it hit me. How could something that once made me feel so confident and beautiful become an afterthought? I had gone so long without tending to my hair that I forgot how much it mattered to me—despite the tangled curls, the dead ends, and the consistent messy bun, occasionally swapped for flat-ironed hair pulled back into a ponytail.
Was I really going to let motherhood continue to be the reason why I didn’t pour into myself? No, I concluded.
The Hair Salon Was Calling My Name… Bad
A couple of weeks ago, I finally booked a hair appointment at Stylehouse Collective in Jacksonville, North Carolina. If you know anything about Jacksonville, it’s a military town with limited options for hair salons—most of which appeal to the military lifestyle.
Embarrassingly enough, because I hadn’t been to a salon in so long, I didn’t even know how to explain what I wanted. All I knew was that I needed to chop the dead ends and wanted some subtle color. To say I was nervous would be an understatement—it was full-on anxiety.
Was I doing too much? Did I really need this? Should I be spending that time or money on something else? These were just some of the common excuses I was prepared to give myself, just to go back to mommy duty.
However, the second I sat in the salon chair, it was like something came over me. Not only did I ask for a haircut, I asked for more than four inches of the length I’d loved for so long to be taken off. Now, did I cry inside? Absolutely—I told myself I’d never remove more than the dead ends. Do I regret it? Not a bit.
A Few Deep Breaths Was All It Took
My hair appointment felt bigger than just “getting my hair done.”
It was the first time in a long time I chose to do something simply because I wanted to, rather than because it was necessary or someone else needed me to.
Deep down, I missed my pre-mom self who actually made an effort to get herself together. The woman who knew the difference between a hair toner and which shampoo to grab.
Between the chop, the wash, the color, and the blowout, I remembered what it felt like to just be still for once. To have someone else take care of me for a change without my toddler on my hip reminded me of how important it is not only as mothers but as women to not get so lost in our roles that we neglect ourselves. Just me being in that salon chair, letting go, released years of disregard for myself.
And guess what? I didn’t feel the infamous mom guilt for it.
Why should I?
I walked out of Stylehouse feeling lighter after denying myself attention, love, and care for years. And now, when I look at me, I see a woman who showed up for herself. Who finally stopped putting her needs on hold and remembered that taking care of herself isn’t selfish.
Ladies, Hair Is Bigger Than Self-Care
As a mom, it’s so easy to feel like you’re constantly trying to get back to the woman you used to be. I’m learning to embrace the version of me that exists now.
This version of me where she’s tired but resilient, stretched thin but still standing, and finally choosing to show up for herself again.
If you’re reading this and realizing you’ve been putting yourself last for too long, I hope this reminds you that it doesn’t take a major moment to come back to yourself.
So many of us put ourselves on the back burner, thinking we’ll get around to self-care when there’s more time, more money, or less to manage. But the truth is, we’re allowed to choose ourselves in the middle of the mommy chaos.
Self-care can start with choosing YOU on purpose. And for me, it’s starting with one hair appointment at a time.
Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.
By BrownStyle Magazine in Special Editions
72 pages, published 1/17/2025
