‘Love Notes by Chi’ is BrownStyle Magazine‘s new column—curated by professional matchmaker Chi Love— that brings you insightful tips, and trendy discussions and answers your biggest questions about love, dating, and relationships.
As a professional matchmaker, I cannot begin to tell you the number of surprised faces I’ve seen after telling people what I do for a living. After the initial shock, the biggest question on their minds: who are your clients and are you able to get results?
For those who may not be aware, the art of matchmaking has been around for hundreds of years and still proves to be beneficial to those who want to find a compatible companion. Unfortunately, mainstream media continues to push the false narrative that the rich and famous are the only ones who can use the service.
Contrary to people’s beliefs, matchmaking is not just for movies and TV shows. It’s far more accessible than you might think. In fact, it’s all about finding a reputable matchmaker who takes your wants and needs seriously.
Interested in hiring a matchmaker? Go for it! However, before you start, avoid these big mistakes that most people make when hiring a professional matchmaker for the first time.
ICYMI:
In recent years, there has been a huge influx of people from different walks of life turning to professionals to help them find a relationship that’s compatible with their lifestyle.
Not Researching Your Matchmaker
Before beginning the matchmaking process, it is super important to research your potential matchmaker. Check out their website and social media pages. Read their reviews and see if anything resonates with who you are.
Ask yourself the following questions: What makes them qualified to help me in this journey? Can I genuinely connect with them? Do I feel like they truly care?
During your consultation, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Remember just as much as they’re getting to know who you are; you are getting to know them as well.
Lying To Your Matchmaker
For a lot of you, matchmaking will be new. And I get that. But as an optimistic yet realistic matchmaker, my job is to be honest with all my clients.
Are you someone who has failed on dating apps? Or do you find yourself in a loop choosing dates who are toxic to your soft life? Now’s the time to be honest.
It is very important to be entirely transparent with your matchmaker to ensure the best results. Your matchmaker needs this information to not only know your boundaries but also understand your habits to help you choose your ideal person. Withholding past trauma and experiences doesn’t set your matchmaker up to give you the best match possible, so be HONEST and be OPEN.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
As a matchmaker, I often remind my clients to be realistic in their expectations. Remember, no one is perfect. Most matchmakers will do their best to give what you want and need, but we’re not miracle workers.
To prevent disappointment, it is important to be clear and honest about what you are looking for in a relationship. If you have preferences about style, personality, or profession—speak up! Be very clear about your turn-ons and turn-offs. This will help to make the process smoother and ensure your expectations line up with what they’re capable of doing.
Not Trusting The Process
Trust is crucial! To grow, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. For instance, there may be someone that you aren’t as attracted to initially, but your chemistry is undeniable. That person could end up being the love of your life.
I believe that if it’s not broken, it shouldn’t be fixed. But I do think that it is important to readjust your mindset here and there to enhance the overall dating experience. With that being said, I always encourage people to be open. If you’re not willing to grow within the matchmaking process, then matchmaking may not be for you.
Trying To Find The “Perfect” Person
Too many people spend their lives, trying to find the “perfect” person. I’m here to let you know there is no perfect person. The reality is, that the more criteria you place on someone, the fewer people you’ll have to choose from. That doesn’t mean ignore red flags, but it’s better to be realistic.
The goal of a matchmaker is to find someone that you can build with, someone who sees you for all that you are, and someone who loves you for being YOU. It’s one thing to have preferences, it’s another thing to have nonnegotiables that leave you single and stuck in your ways.
I always say that it is best to focus on your needs in a partner rather than just your wants, but the right matchmaker will do what they can to give you a bit of both.
RELATED | Unique Spring Date Ideas For Couples Who Want To Level Up Their Romance
Not Being True To Yourself
I can’t say this enough— be open and honest with not only your matchmaker but yourself too! I’m grateful to have clients who have been vulnerable with everything from anxiety and sexual frustrations to battles with cancer and depression.
Some things matter a great deal when matching a couple, including thoughts on children, hobbies, and schedules. Being transparent allows your matchmaker to find someone who aligns with your needs.
Hopefully, these tips help you on your matchmaking journey. Although the process requires honesty and growth, it can also be fun! If you’re open to the process, then there could be a match out there just waiting to be introduced to you. Good luck!
