Guided Mother is a new BrownStyle Magazine column by Victoria Mendoza highlighting her experience becoming a new mother, healing childhood wounds to avoid repeating trauma, and the role spirituality plays in guiding how she mothers her daughter and shows up as a (future) wife.
Hands down, motherhood is the greatest blessing of my life. My daughter lights up my world, and I thank God for her every single day. Truly.
And… I also live in a constant state of overstimulation, frustration, irritability, dirty dishes, and exactly thirteen months and seventeen days without a full night of sleep — but who’s counting.
One of the greatest lessons I’m learning is that multiple truths can exist at the same time.
Did I Romanticize The Idea Of Motherhood?
I remember when we found out we were having a baby. I wanted to be prepared, so I dove headfirst into research mode. I read all the books, had podcasts playing every car ride, and filled my Instagram saves with motherhood tips, routines, and “must-haves.”
During my pregnancy, I constantly daydreamed about the kind of mother I would be.
In my mind, I was going to be the mama who woke up before the baby, who was peacefully sleeping in her perfectly curated crib. I’d sip my green smoothie, squeeze in my morning yoga flow, and maybe journal a little gratitude.
Then I’d lovingly prepare organic, locally-sourced fruit puréed to perfection and serve it in one of her cute little bowls. I’d imagine her calmly eating beside me while I opened my laptop and knock out a few work tasks.
I really thought I had a solid plan for keeping my balance in motherhood. Looking back… those daydreams might as well have been fairytales. (The reality is, babies don’t come to us as blank slates, ready to fall in line with OUR routines.)
The Beautiful (And Overwhelming) Reality Of Motherhood
My first mistake was planning for a baby I hadn’t met yet.
The baby I’ve birthed and have grown with over the past year has her own rhythm. She is opinionated, observant, and fiery. She will not let me use any textbook parenting mumbo jumbo to get her to accommodate me and my plans. Nope. She is 100% her own person, and it’s one of my favorite things about her.
A more realistic peek into our mornings looks like me waking up to my shirt being nearly ripped off for a morning snack. Because yes, she’s in bed with us. And yes, she’s still breastfeeding. (She decided early on that her crib would be strictly decorative, so that’s that… at least for now.)
I’ll roll out of bed and make us oatmeal, which will end up in her hair, in her high chair, on the floor, and inevitably on my clothes, no matter how careful I try to be. Emails will just have to wait for naptime because, naturally, I’m her personal clown, and she will not tolerate me staring at a screen while I’m on her clock.
My girl is a firecracker. And I’m already learning that her boldness is part of her magic, something I want to protect, not tame.
But if I’m being honest, there are days my nervous system feels like it never fully powers down. The constant touching sometimes makes me want to crawl out of my skin. My ears feel like they’re always listening for danger (phantom crying is SO REAL). And if you’re breastfeeding? You’re truly never off the clock.
For a while, I didn’t feel comfortable saying these things out loud. It felt like I was being ungrateful for my greatest blessing. Like I was complaining about something that I prayed for.
Bye, Bye Mom Guilt. Hello Intention!
I’ve had to learn that loving motherhood and feeling overwhelmed by it can exist in the same breath.
You can love your child with your whole being and still crave solitude and silence. You can be a good mother and admit you need a break from your kids. In fact, I’ve learned I come back to my daughter a better version of myself when I allow myself the space to reset.
So to the overstimulated mother, here are a few things that have helped me find my footing in this wild, beautiful season:
1. Find the balance that works for you and your baby.
Don’t force your little one into a box that’s more aspirational than practical. Your baby is their own little person with their own rhythm and your new lifestyle should flow with ease for both of you.
2. Let go of the pressure to keep up with your pre-baby pace.
Especially if you’re breastfeeding. This was one of the hardest adjustments for me. Motherhood slows you down whether you like it or not, and fighting that reality will only exhaust you more, or worse… make you resentful.
3. Don’t you dare entertain any mom guilt!
You can love your baby to pieces and still need space sometimes. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s maintenance for the nervous system that’s working overtime to care for another human. You deserve to be nurtured, too.
4. Ask for help— for real.
This is how nature intended us to raise children. We were never meant to cook, clean, breastfeed, work, and somehow keep our sanity all by ourselves. This is the time to call on the village… partners, family, friends, and community. Let them know you need help.
5. Find your release.
Find what you can do to help you release pent up emotions. It can be through movement, talking to a girl friend, or simply taking a long bath. For me? I like to journal. It’s been really helpful for me to get it all out of me and on paper, then sort through those feelings with compassion and zero judgement.
So, to the overstimulated mother: You don’t have to carry this alone.
Take a deep breath. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. You’re doing great, sis. We got this! 💛
Editor’s Note: This story has been edited and condensed for clarity.
